good things are hard to come by and I don´t deserve them#
Uh, so a trip to Austin and back. I hate everything. My negative self talk is pretty bad. Iḿ not eating or sleeping great. Not really exercising. Things feel bad.
hermes agent#
It´s set up! After updating to Omarchy Quattro, some things are a little wonked out still. Gotta get color back into neovim, but I got an agent running. I used hostinger because it seems like a seal for the price and there were coupons. Some frustration getting the right keys in the right place, and the tutorial videos being different than the current setup wizard. But it does work, it still needs its G-Suite setup and github, but aside from that 🎉 were gonna be doing some good job applying and programming tomorrow after the rest of the setup. I named her Daphne after the recently passed Daph - the wonder cat, but in this case she´s the wonder bot.
im trying to be good#
Do things for myself. Buy things good for myself. Be good. Go to meetings. Be a real person and get a file cabinet. Get the tools I need to be at the pay to play line (agents). Things are moving up because I´ve fucked up enough to stop caring and put my head down and mow forward. Fuck everything. Fuck everybody. Pave the future with the determination and frustrations of today. A beautiful life is available. You do not need to kill yourself to escape from the problems you are unable to affect. I pray for the best for my mom, but her brain is broken and no matter what she will not stop talking with scammers and Elons. Good luck with your delusions. You could have just made real friends instead.
regular tasks#
ive done ok at eating and working out the past few days. i am getting better. things are getting better. I need better self talk. MY internal dialogue shall be good because I want it to be. To succeed I must be kind to myself inside my head. Then I can do it. Then I can get addicted to food again instead of negativity and guilt and pain. Then I may be able to help my mom. Please god, help me get a programming job again so I can restart my life. Then I can help everyone in my family and then fix my relationship with existing with the rest of the world.